I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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