apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
