I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
