i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize