I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sext me about skeletons
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
