Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
