Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize