Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
