Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
