oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
