just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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