I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
