He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
