so explain again why im purple
no
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
