She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
