Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
