6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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