At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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