I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
