Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
