why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize