Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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