she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize