well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
