she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
