Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
