do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
