I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
