She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
