i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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