ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
