I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
