Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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