I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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