Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize