ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you will always have a special place in my vag
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
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