can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
