i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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