you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
