Don't make out with my wife yet
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize