think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
