How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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