Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
