You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
