If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize