And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
