Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
