In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
