pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
