so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
