got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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