curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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