I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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