if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
