it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
