So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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