Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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