i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
