Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
