had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize