wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
