it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
