i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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