i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize