no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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