You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we have officially lost it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
