I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
