Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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