dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
