i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
