I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
