it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
