I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
