Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
