god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
