There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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