he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
