Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
