...so i touched it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
