I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
