How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
