did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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