just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
