Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
