So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
