I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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