I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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