I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize