oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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