Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
