You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
