It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize