Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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