you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think i have herpe
just one?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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