im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just pee around me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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