I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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