she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
