just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
