Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
