i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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