I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
