Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
