I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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