maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
