I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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