Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
